Why I would become a Pirate by George
04.12.2014 - 04.12.2014 80 °F
Okay. I had this feeling that I could have become a pirate had I lived between the 15th and 17th centuries.
Sure, this feeling came to me while I was swimming in the blue warm bath, known as the Caribbean Sea, about 50 yards from the fine white sands off the coast of Isla Mujeres or 'Island of Women', but let me explain...
First, the morning began with an early morning jog, through the warm, sunny moist air, within the Puerto Juarez area just north of the main Cancun hotel district. I passed by what looked like a brand new hotel/resort and decided to go inside and have a look around. One of the attendants showed me around but before long, I was escorted into a luxurious suite with a bar and well-dressed folks ambling about. My attendant asked me if I liked Tequila and I said, "No, not really." He replied with, Well, here you go!" and he slapped an unopened bottle of tequila into my hands and told me it was mine for free. Very soon after I realized I had stepped into some kind of timeshare sales zone which they said "really wasn't a timeshare". But I had some time and I enjoyed the coffee they gave me and was intrigued to hear their sales pitch while gazing out over the smooth rolling blue ocean near my feet.
After about 20 minutes I realized I needed to get back to the hotel or else my wife might think I've run off with a local girl or encountered a band of ruthless banditos. In reality, escaping a band of timeshare salesmen is a little bit harder than either of those.
I was able to finally make my escape, jogging down the street back to the hotel with a bottle of tequila in my hand and the occasional Policia passing by me on the road. I decided to hand off my tequila to an old blind man seated near the banos adjacent to the beach access. I hope he likes it.
Later, we water-taxied over to Isla Mujeres at the far end of the North Playa where we enjoyed a few Mojitos while alternating between swimming and lounging on our mojito-bed (basically a futon type thing with a table) right on the beach about 5 feet from the water.
After some time, I waded further away from the shore while Andrea read and I found a nice quiet spot to speculate on the whole pirate-lifestyle thing. I realized that, had I lived 400-500 years ago, this is how I would have become a pirate...
First, I had to be somehow abused by the Spanish Empire in some way. Pretty easy since Spain, as a world power then, brutalized everybody under the sun for a variety of reasons. If I were a Jew living in Spain, my family and I could have been forced to convert or face death or exile. If I were in Peru, living under Incan rule, my country would have been raped and pillaged to excess by the Conquistadors. In either case, I could have found myself quite angry at Spanish foreign policy and it would have been a very simple thing for a local pirate to basically "timeshare" me into becoming one. He could have easily slapped a jug of rum into my hand, walked me along the warm, white sandy beaches, pointing to the blue warm waters and the various naked women running loose on the Isla Mujeres, and said, "All this could be yours! All you need to do is occasionally attack the gold laden ships of the damned Spanish Empire!" "Well..", I would start to say, "they did kill my family in Spain for not converting or they did kill my Inca king and abuse my people and rape and pillage my country in Peru so why the hell not! Where do I sign??"
And that, ladies and gentleman, is the story of how I would have become a pirate had I lived many centuries ago. But for now, I think I'll just float in these crystal clear blue waters and gaze far into the horizon, with the clouds above me complicit in my meanderings.
Now we are off to San Juan, Puerto Rico to catch a cruise ship stopping at several islands in the Caribbean. Maybe I will become a pirate during that